The Thong Affair (1)

by Adaobi Ezirim

“Babe, please check my work bag for my keys and give it to Hector.” Bode said in a loud voice. He was in the bathroom and needed to shout for his wife to hear him. Pam, his gorgeous 30-year old brunette flipped her locks swiftly as she bent low  to pick up the bag that was by the sofa. She slipped her hands into the side pocket and heard the jiggling sound of the keys, she pulled it out and a black piece of cloth followed. She lifted up the piece and was stunned

“A thong!!” she exclaimed silently and blinked her eyes repeatedly. She brought it closer and realized it hadn’t been worn and quickly imagined it was a calculated attempt by its owner to cause a fuss.

“Babe,” Bode called out again as he turned off the shower. Pam slipped the thong back into the bag and walked out of the room with the keys as he stepped into the room. 

“Babe, I was…” The loud bang from the slammed door interrupted him. He sighed and stared at the door for a few seconds in confusion. She was probably in a hurry as usual and did not pay attention to his voice. Or maybe she had her air pods on. He took off the towel on his waist with a smile as he remembered the day he told his siblings he was going to marry Pam.

“…You really want to marry Pamilerin? You weren’t joking when you said you loved her?” Roy asked in shock.

“How the hell do you think both of you will last a day together?” Kenny asked.

“Well guys, I love her, she makes me so happy. Look, Pam is amazing…”

“She is crazy! I can never forget how she almost smashed that guy’s windscreen with a club. Aargghh! One day, it might be your head.” Kiki said and everyone began to laugh. 

Bode picked up his shirt wearing a broader smile. She is crazy! How she stood up for herself on the day he met her regardless of how society perceives loud women was what endeared him to her.  It had been four years married to Pam and he has never met a more amazing woman all his life. His siblings and friends had grown to adore her, and though they still thought she was crazy, they loved that she made their brother a better person.

Pam shook her head as she took a lazy stroll around the compound. It was disappointing and somewhat amusing to her that Bode could cheat or even nurse the idea of having an affair. She knew it was too early to draw conclusions, but a thong in his bag was a big deal and she wasn’t going to let it slide and play the “good wife”. Throughout the day, she was disturbed and very angry. She wished she hadn’t taken her leave within the period because being at home gave her mind room to dwell on it. She tried to get past the shock and disappointment but it was hard, she tried to make excuses for Bode but none measured up. She wanted to confront him but she needed more than a thong to make a case. What if he affirmed it? She wasn’t sure she could stand the guilt in his eyes. 

She got up and walked straight to the kitchen, opened the fridge and brought out a box of homemade peanut butter cups. Slowly, she began to pop the chewy candy into her mouth, one at a time. She stopped when she realized she had finished a whole roll of about thirty tiny cups. She picked up her phone and logged onto Facebook, she hoped to read a post or comments that would make her laugh so hard and ease off the numb feeling she had. Then, she saw a post from a new friend:

From my inbox

Dear Uju, 

Yesterday, I observed a dash of ruby woo lipstick on my hubby’s shirt. This is the second time this week and I know how my hubby avoids ladies with heavy make up so I am surprised he let this one close. Should I be worried? Hubby has never given me reasons to doubt him, what could make him let a woman with makeup so close?

Pamilerin saved the post to read comments later and logged off; she had a couple of things to sort out urgently. Few hours later, she picked up her phone to check comments before preparing dinner for her husband. The post had generated about reactions and over 650 comments like she expected, she was too tired to go through all of them so she decided to read a few

1st Comment: What?! Lipstick kwa! 😳😳😳 Ndi over sabi will soon say it is nothing serious, I’m here to read.

Pamilerin sighed and shook her head, she moved to the kitchen dining table and sat on one of the chairs.

2nd Comment: Uju tell her to confront the cheating bastard, I bet he will deny it. Men are the same all over the world, he couldn’t even cheat decently. He-goat! 

1st Reply: Calm down Madam, the post says she has never doubted him. I think there must be a mix-up somewhere 

2nd Reply: Mix-up somewhere? As in a guy who typically stays away from ladies with makeup suddenly comes home with lipstick stains and you think there is a mix-up?  C’mon please, stop defending the cheat. It’s only sad that the wife ever trusted him in the first place. I agree with this comment. She should confront him.

3rd Comment: I think she should let it pass or better still confront him when her anger has abated. Sometimes, humans especially we ladies jump into conclusions pettily. Imagine how hurt he would feel if he isn’t guilty, I think she should calm down. 

Pamilerin logged out. She was too depressed to read further, she decided to confront him but later at night. She was desperate to hear what he will come up with in defence because the Bode she knew was very defensive. 

Bode returned at about 8pm tired and hungry. Alas! The company audit was over; the discrepancies the external auditors had traced the previous day were rectified. His boss was extremely satisfied with the team’s input and he announced to them that they had earned a raise. His team had planned a mini party to celebrate the milestone but Bode couldn’t stay till the end because he needed to be with his wife. He strolled into his sitting room and the aroma of Panla stew caressed his nostrils.

“Pam Pam” he muttered and smiled. Pam knew he loved good food, and though she hated to cook she always made sure to organize the meals by herself or through the services of a chef. He saw her hourglass figure lying sideways on the sofa in the sitting room with her left hand supporting her chin. He tiptoed towards her and pecked her cheeks. Pamilerin got up sharply and yawned.

“Hi baby,” Bode said with a smile and reached out to hold her hands

“Welcome, your food is in the microwave. I’m going upstairs.” Pam said coldly, avoiding his gaze as she slowly freed her hand from his grip, wore her slippers and walked away.

Bode stood gobsmacked wondering what could have gone wrong. He had suspected something was wrong in the morning before he left for work because he didn’t get his routine goodbye kiss from her. Unfortunately, he was pressed for time so couldn’t sit for a talk. Maybe that’s what pissed her off. Pam is a very sensitive person and hates being ignored. Bode hurried after her, for he already knew that whatever plans he had to get under the sheets that night was cancelled. But he didn’t want it to eat into the weekend. 

“Babe…” he called softly as he walked into the room.

Pam, who sat at the edge of the bed opened her Instagram page. She wanted to read the comments on the workout videos she shared that morning. Bode moved closer and sat beside her.

“I’m sorry” he said

“For?” She asked absentmindedly. 

“I should have stayed back to figured out what ticked you off in the morning but I was behind schedule. The audit got really messy yesterday like I mentioned and there was so much pressure on us to correct the wrong”

“Where were you throughout yesterday?”

“I…”

“Do not lie to me, Olabode. Tell me all the places you went to yesterday and what you did”

Bode’s heart skipped a bit. She had asked the same question the previous night but he skipped the part where he decided to join Dotun and Ray to cool off from work’s steam and ended up in a strip club. They had paid a stripper to test his self-discipline by giving him a lap dance. He wasn’t sure Pam would find the details amusing so he kept it away.

“…Dotun, Ray and I decided to stop by a bar to cool off for a few minutes, but I left them there. I needed to be home and spend time with you before you sleep.”

“That’s all?” Pam asked, sounding unconvinced

“Babe, you know I won’t lie to you,” Bode said softly looking into her eyes.

“Okay, I believe you” she said and smiled a little. He kissed her passionately and muttered,“Thank you.”

“Babe, guess what?” He asked after a few seconds.

“What happened?”

“Can you believe the bag I brought back home yesterday wasn’t mine?” 

Pamilerin looked at her husband with bewildered eyes.

“How?” she asked and  Bode began to laugh

“Apparently, Dotun and I have exact bags so he  picked mine hurriedly from the desk and I picked his. It was this morning while we were searching for our personal documents that we noticed”

“Funny coincidence,” Pamilerin said quietly. “Hope you both have come up with a plan to avoid another episode?”

“Well, we’ll figure something out”

“Okay” Pam said  “Ain’t you hungry?”

“Err, I’m hungry for another kind of food” Bode said slowly and brought his lips closer to hers.

“Eh eh, not today Bode. I’m not in the mood. Go and eat real food, I’m going to have my bath” she said and got up. 

Bode exhaled and slumped on the bed as he watched her slowly take off her shorts revealing her smooth ivory skin. He knew he owed her the whole truth about the previous night but didn’t know how to start. The visit to a strip club, the dance and the thong the stripper slipped into his bag without his knowledge… she was going to freak out.

Just like Bode, Pam lied when she said it was okay because it wasn’t. She could see through his lies and was determined to find out how a thong got into the pocket of his bag.

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