TeeScapades: My Incredible Tale of ‘Amudo’

by Tayo Fasuan

Sometimes ago, as I was observing some young, secondary school boys lustfully eyeing the well-rounded buttock of probably one of their female teachers, I remembered a similar story of my secondary school days. It has to do with a fetish power called ‘Amudo’.

Amudo, in Yoruba language, is any form of juju that makes you own one or more lady, and make her become your sexual slave. It can be an amulet, a concoction, some incantation or any other form of juju that you can think of. Literarily, it means ‘catch-and-sleep-with’ or as they usually call it, ‘touch-and-follow.

I use to think this juju was just a myth as I got older, with no substantial story to back it up, until a friend of mine in Ibadan found himself in such situation: some guy used amudo on his fiancée and it worked. Just like that.

Of course, as a 13-year-old kid, I thought it was for real. In my perverted, early-teen mind, having a girl I could sleep with at will and at the snap of my fingers looked like being on top of the world. So we, that is, I and almost my entire classmates, joined the frenzy for the metaphysical power of amudo.

Looking back now, it was crazily fun: discussing hush-hush at various corners of Christ’s School, Ado-Ekiti, regaling and narrating to ourselves the numerous rumoured adventures of those who had successfully harnessed the power of amudo. We would be engrossed in all forms of dirty talks and hatched-up escapades that would make my ears cringed now that I am even older. Boy, can we talk dirty! Dirty talks actually started early for guys, that’s a fact.

Suddenly out of nowhere, the ultimate recipe for making the perfect amudo surfaced. No one could actually pin-pointed the source, but it spread like wild fire and we were caught up in it. The formula was simple enough: find and kill a fully-grown male agama lizard, remove its head and tail, dry them completely, ground them into powdery form, and keep in a safe place, wrapped in a paper. It had to be paper and not nylon. Why? We didn’t know. It was just part of the preparations.

Yeah, you keep on laughing, but that piece of information almost led to the extinction of the male agama lizards that particular year. And to think Agama lizards don’t even last more than a season! We went to war, killing all lizards in sight, both male and female, because along the line also, some geniuses had added a variation of the juju: the mixture of both male and female heads and tail was even more powerful. It was a massacre, and we went at it full-blast.

However, the major problem encountered during this period was at the administration of the juju. No, we were not to add it to the food of those we wanted; that would be easy. We were not to blow it into their faces either; that too would have been ideal.

The application was much more nerve-racking: you should rub this powder into your palms, find whichever lady you so desired, and smack her on the butt with one of the palm, both palms for maximum effect. Yes, that right! Right on the buttocks! I’m thinking now that whoever came up with that idea probably didn’t want us to use the juju at all, because most of us eventually never really used or applied our powerful juju because of the applying part, despite having killed an entire race of agama lizards!

What made the story crazier was the fact that none of us ever thought of using amudo on our age mates and peers, which we would have done playfully and successfully. Nope! We wanted to use it on our female teachers (especially the female corps members and student teachers) and those OSUA female university students in our areas. We were that greedy!!!

What eventually put the nail on the coffin of amudo for me personally was when my next-door neighbour, friend and classmate, Toba, finally got over his fears and used it on a female university student along our walk from school to our homes one day, and it unfortunately didn’t work.

We were walking side-by-side when we suddenly sighted the lady walking right in front of us, graciously sashaying with her curves all over the place. Of course, I had been carried away, drooling, admiring the lady’s figure, and I didn’t notice when Toba rubbed the portion on his palms. With no one in our immediate environment, he had moved some few steps ahead of me when I perceived the dried lizard’s smell and it was too late to stop him.

He walked right to the lady and without hesitation, used his hand to smack, and if my memory still served me right, even cup the lady’s butt. I froze where I was, not moving an inch forward. The lady turned to look at him with surprise, and in a matter of seconds, I had the feeling she understood what he was trying to do because he was having this strange and cocky smile on his face. Whatever reason came to her mind, she grabbed Toba and managed to drag him, despite his struggles with her, to the hostel where she stayed. I just walked past the whole drama, not even looking back due to the fear of being chased and caught too as an accomplice.

According to reports though, the guys in that hostel beat him black and blue, and they  almost did what we did to those agama lizards to Toba, except that his head and tail didn’t come off. Toba didn’t come to school for two full weeks. He told his parent he was mugged and beaten by unknown people along the way from school and that I wasn’t there.

Thinking back now, I’m grateful and glad he didn’t at least reveal our antics and twisted adventure to our parents. They would have killed us for real!

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