Jesus is Risen (The Nigerian Facebook Version)

by Ogbeni La

It had been two days since Jesus was last seen on Facebook. His last update was three days earlier. It was short.

“One of you will betray me.”

30 likes. 1 share.

Some ‘haha-ed’ on the post, while others used the love reaction. Of course not everybody was aware of the prophecy. It was after SARS arrested him and he died of torture in their hands for not being able to provide his ID card as Son of God that people took the post seriously. Shit went viral. The same post had since garnered thousands of likes and shares. Even Mark Zuckerberg was forced to create a banner for those that’d love to use Jesus as profile picture.

Jesus logged in back to his Facebook account as soon as he rose from the tomb he was buried. Immediately he was online, different messages started flying into his inbox. He didn’t want to chat with anyone as he was having a good laugh reading comments on his wall. There were many beautiful graphics of him carrying a cross with the inscription #EndSARS all over the social media.

Thomas, like all his 12 disciples, was on his ‘First See’. He quickly clicked on the notification of a new post from him. It read:

“I am a Jesus disciple and I can tell you if you see anyone slide in your DM with Jesus account, be vigilant and ask the person to video call you as a proof he’s Jesus. Hackers are on the prowl. Boys are not smiling. Stay woke!”

He smiled.

He went to Judas wall.

Judas had deleted his “Thirty billion for the account…Versace and Gucci for my leg o, Police” post and his last post now read “Vanity upon vanity.”

He laughed out loudly with tears running down his cheeks. He almost mockingly commented with “This is deep,” but he wasn’t ready to interact yet.

It was Mary’s post that impressed him.

“Send me your location and I’d be right there.”

Jesus knew it was lyrics to a Burna Boy song, but he also knew she was referring to him. He closed his tablet and decided to appear to her first.

Mary couldn’t contain the excitement when she spotted him in front of her door. She ran inside to bring her phone and took a selfie. Before Jesus could blink, she’d uploaded the picture, tagged Jesus and the 12 disciples with the caption:

Jesus is Risen. Gbe body e. Gbe soul e. #IfYouKnowYouKnow #DeathWhereIsThySting #JesusBaby.

Happy Easter

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