Forgive you not, Mama

by Vivian Dindu Esimoleze

I couldn’t resist the urge to cry. The moment was too emotional. Seeing mother and child reunite after years of separation made me realize what I might be lacking within. The woman, chubby and round with tiny face, and her son, thin with a cute face, hugged tight not minding the crowd staring at them. For some minutes, I was totally awakened by the view.

What if I forgive mama and reunite with her again? What if I let go the pains that had frozen me to the bone marrow so much I could never thaw and accept her apology, and at least allow her call me her daughter? What if…?

No! I won’t forgive her.

Just then, the memory I have been fighting off, came flowing back to me like a flowing water. The memory of that night came prickling my skin, the smashing heat of the sun also aiding my torture.

Yes, I still remember that fearful night.

The night which almost destroyed me. I could remember vividly the smile mother had given me that night as she shaved my private path. I smiled back at her, oblivious of the game ahead. After cleaning me up, she made me wear the transparent night gown she had bought that day. She walked me to my step father’s room and left me there.

What happened that night… You wouldn’t want to hear it. A disgusting tale it is.

Till I let go the pains almost seizing up my whole being, I won’t forgive her…

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